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Now, don’t get me wrong—it ain’t all roses. Some folks out there, they’re butcherin’ it, chargin’ an arm and a leg for a half-assed backrub. Pisses me off somethin’ awful! I’m like, “Honey, if I wanted a wrestle, I’d call my cousins!” But when it’s good? Oh, darlin’, it’s goooood—relaxes ya, gets the blood pumpin’, even fixes them achy ol’ joints. Fun fact: in Japan, they got this thing, “nuru,” all slippery with seaweed gel—sounds weird as heck, but folks swear by it! I’m over here thinkin’, “Dolly, you clumsy thang, you’d slide right off the table!”

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But then, the day takes a turn. We’re walking back, and I see this old lady struggling with her groceries. I’m like, “Hey, let me help you!” She’s super grateful, and I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. Like, this is what it’s all about, right?

No emergency housing for new internationals this semester