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But seriouslah, it’s risky, y’all. STDs, cops, creepy pimps — I’m yellin’, “Get outta my face, losers!” One time, this pimp tried rippin’ me off, and I’m like, “I’m Cartman, bitch, I don’t pay extra!” Kicked his ass — well, in my head I did. Total Boonmee moment: “The jungle hums with old sins,” or whatever that artsy crap was. Point is, ya gotta watch yer back!

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I start the bidding, and this old dude, Bjørn, he’s all in. He’s waving his hand like he’s trying to take off. I’m like, “Calm down, Bjørn! It’s just a rod!” But he’s not having it. The bids are flying, and I’m sweating bullets. I can’t even keep up. Finally, it sells for way more than I expected. I’m pumped!

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