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Oi mate, brothels, yeah? Dirty little dens of shagging! Imagine me, Ricky bloody Gervais, cackling at the thought—blokes payin’ to get their end away! Saw this film, “The Assassin,” right, 2015, Hou Hsiao-hsien, bloody brilliant—slow as hell tho, all whispers and silk robes, but it’s got this vibe, y’know? “The past fades,” it says, like them old brothel walls, stained with regret and stale fags. Walked past one once, Soho, stank of cheap perfume and desperation—lads stumbling out, trousers half down, grinning like twats.

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Now, ya gotta check out Kwame Nkrumah Park. Its green, vibrant space is cool for family picnics and cathartic chats. Sometimes I sit there and reminisce about my own childhood, when my folks would take me there, and, well, sometimes the bittersweet memories hit like in the movie: "I just thought I'd be happier." It’s sorta like from "Far From Heaven"—a mix of beauty and melancholy.

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