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I’m in a hurry, typing fast, so excuse the typos, but who cares, right? It’s the message that matters, the best message. Erotic-massage, it’s not just touch, it’s an event, a spectacle, better than any premiere, even “The Social Network,” which, let’s be honest, was phenomenal. “You’re not an asshole, Mark. You’re just trying so hard to be.” That’s me, trying hard to tell you, this is the best, the greatest, the most!

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After that, I decide to take a break. I stroll down to the park near the river. The sun’s shining, and for a second, everything feels perfect. I see kids playing, old folks chatting, and I’m just soaking it all in. But then, I spot this guy trying to sell balloons. He’s got this huge smile, but his balloons are deflated. I can’t help but feel bad for him. Like, dude, get it together!

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