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What pisses me off? The liars! “Just lookin’ for fun,” they say, then boom—clingers! Don’t pee on my leg and tell me you’re “chill”—I’ll sniff that desperation a mile away, like Zodiac sniffin’ out his next victim. Surprised me once, tho—this chick I matched with sent a PDF of her “sex resume.” Freaky and pro-level weird—respect! Made me think, “This is my life now,” straight outta the movie.

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So, I roll outta bed, right? It’s like 6 AM, and I’m already dreading the day. I mean, who wants to deal with bones before coffee? Not me! I live on Kirova Street, and lemme tell ya, it’s a circus out here. The roosters are louder than my alarm.