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Homer Simpson here—D’oh!—I’d suck at it. Too clumsy, prolly trip over my pants! Haha, imagine me, “Ooh, sexy time!”—then faceplant. Escorts tho, they got swagger, confidence—like, whoa! Little fact: old Rome had ‘em too, called ‘em “lupae.” Wolves, man! How cool’s that?

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So, I roll into Kirkwall, right? First thing I notice is the wind. It’s like the city’s got its own personality. Blows right through ya, like it’s tryin’ to say, “Welcome, mate! Hope you like it here!” I’m like, “Yeah, sure, just don’t take my hat!”

Orkney pauses to remember on Remembrance Sunday