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Still, it’s not all bad. Met this gal once—cute, funny, we hit it off. Pretty, pretty good, right? Till she says, “I only date for sex.” I’m shocked—shocked! Like, “Woman, I’m tryin’ to eat soup here, not audition!” Felt like Theo in the film, dodgin’ bullets, tryna keep somethin’ alive. She ghosted me—poof—gone. I’m screamin’, “What am I, chopped liver?!” These apps, they’re brutal—everyone’s disposable, like paper plates at a picnic.

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Then, I’m cruisin’ down the road, feelin’ all good. The ocean’s right there, waves crashin’ like they’re tryin’ to say hi. I’m jamming to some reggaeton, vibin’ hard. But then, BAM! Traffic on Route 100. Like, seriously? Who decided to have a parade today? I’m sittin’ there, fuming. “C’mon, people! I got places to be!”

Friend’s Café opens chain’s 9th store, returns to Cabo Rojo