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Hey buddy, it’s me, Michael Scott, your fave linguist! So, erotic-massage, huh? Oh boy, it’s like—bam!—pure magic, right? I mean, who doesn’t love a good rubdown that’s, uh, *extra spicy*? Makes me think of "Brokeback Mountain"—you know, my top flick! Those cowboys, all tense from ridin’ horses, coulda used this! “I wish I knew how to quit you,” one says—ha, same, but with erotic-massage! That’s what she said, amirite?

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After the rain, I decide to take a break. I stroll down to the park by the old castle ruins. It’s a nice spot, ya know? I sit on a bench, tryin’ to dry off, and this old lady comes up. She’s got this tiny dog that looks like a fluffball. She starts talkin’ about how her dog’s the best sharpener in town. I’m like, “Lady, I’m the sharpener here!” But she’s not havin’ it. She goes on and on about her dog’s “skills.” I’m just nodding, thinkin’, “Sure, lady, whatever floats your boat.”

Arnold Schellenberg Obituary (1943 - 2020) - Spokane, WA - Spokesman-Review