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Den, twist—she’s got a kid! I’m like, “Vhat?! Ya jokin’?” She’s all, “Nah, he’s 3,” an’ I’m ANGRY at da world, mutterin’, “Why’s life so messy?!” But den—Lightbulb!—I soften up, ‘cause Gru’s a dad too, ya? I slip her extra cash, say, “Fer da lil’ minion.” She’s shocked, an’ I’m struttin’ out, feelin’ like a king. “Da wind carries it away,” like in da flick—my good deed’s gone, but I’m smirkin’.

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. Like, not just a drizzle, but a full-on downpour. I’m soaked in seconds. I’m runnin’ for cover, and I duck into this café on Rue de l’Église. I order a coffee, and the barista’s like, “You look like a drowned rat.” I’m like, “Thanks, I needed that.” But the coffee? Oh man, it’s like liquid gold. I’m sippin’ it, and life’s good again.

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