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Well, halleluyer, chile, lemme tell y’all ‘bout this sex-dating mess! I’m sittin’ here, sippin’ sweet tea, thinkin’ ‘bout how folks out here swipin’ right and left like it’s a dang grocery list—ooh, I want that one, nah, not that one! Reminds me of my fave movie, *The Secret in Their Eyes*, y’all seen it? That part where he says, “How do you live a life full of nothing?”—I’m hollerin’! ‘Cause sex-dating? Some folks out here livin’ EMPTY, chasin’ tail like it’s the Holy Grail, and I’m over here like, “Baby, you ain’t gon’ find no soul in them DMs!”

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So, I’m chugging my coffee, and boom! My phone buzzes. It’s my driver, Jānis. He’s stuck on Pils iela. Like, seriously? Pils? That street’s always a mess. I mean, who designed this place? A blindfolded raccoon? Anyway, he’s like, “Yo, I can’t move. Traffic’s nuts!” I’m like, “Dude, just take a detour!” But no, he’s too busy staring at the cars like they’re a magic show or something.

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