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I got into it once, right? After a long haul, back achin’, muscles screamin’. This chick at a spa—swear she’s a wizard—starts rubbin’ me down, and I’m like, “Whoa, happy little trees just popped up everywhere!” It’s legit therapy, but spicy—gets the blood pumpin’ without crossin’ lines, unless ya want it to, heh. Fun fact: back in ancient China, emperors got this shit daily—called it “energy work.” Ain’t that nuts? Royalty gettin’ oiled up while I’m here dodgin’ potholes.

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After lunch, I head back to the office, and it’s chaos. My coworker is crying over a broken printer. I mean, it’s just a printer! But she’s acting like it’s the end of the world. I try to cheer her up, but she’s not having it.

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