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So, picture this—me, Oprah, layin’ on a table, right? Some expert’s kneadin’ my back, and I’m thinkin’, “This ain’t just a rubdown!” It’s sensual, y’all—like, who knew a shoulder massage could feel *that* good? Little fact for ya: in ancient China, they used sexual-massage to balance energy—chi, qi, whatever you call it! Ain’t that wild? I was shook—happy as hell, too! Like, “Cathy Whitaker, you’d lose your mind over this!”

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Later, I met up with my friend Yuki at The Imperial Bar. We needed a drink after that madness. I ordered a gin and tonic, and she got a whiskey. We laughed about the day, and I told her about the swan. She couldn’t stop giggling! I mean, who gets hissed at by a swan? Only me, right?

Cavan incident captured in recent garda figures