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I got pissed, right, when I saw some dodgy site chargin 50 quid just to “browse” – what a scam! Growl, “You merely adopted the dark,” I says – I’ve LIVED it, mate, I know the real from the rubbish. So, tip one: don’t pay upfront, ever. Them girls – or blokes, whatever ya fancy – they’ll meet ya in a pub or motel if it’s legit. Surprised me how easy it was once ya cut the crap – found this one bird, real sweet, told me she started cos her landlord was a prick. Felt bad, but she was laughin, sayin, “Cash is cash, luv.”

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But then, just when I think the day’s gonna end on a high note, we get stuck in traffic again. I’m like, “Seriously?!” I’m about to lose it. But then I see this old lady selling bubble tea on the corner. I’m like, “Mia, we need to make a pit stop!”

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