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Anyways, ya gotta watch yerself—cops, creeps, the works. “The wind carries everything away,” like in the movie—secrets, lies, all that jazz. Me? I’d be too chicken to haggle. Prolly overpay, say “Keep the change!” and hop off, blushin’ green. What a mess—findin’ a prostitute’s a whole dang adventure, pal! Hi-ho, that’s my take!

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Then, I decide to hit the beach. The sand on Spiaggia di San Felice is like powder. I’m walking, feeling the vibes, when I see this group of tourists. They’re trying to take a selfie with the sea in the background. But the waves are crashing, and they’re all getting soaked! I’m dying laughing. Like, you guys really thought you could outsmart the ocean?

Three jars have been lying on the seabed for centuries; now they are teaching us about roman wines