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Yo, what’s good, fam? I’m Drake, ya boy, spillin’ thoughts like I’m in the booth. YOLO, ya feel me? So, I’m a bailiff, but not the courtroom kinda dude—nah, I’m out here in the mines, diggin’ deep, pullin’ out that gold. Dirty hands, real talk. But lemme tell ya bout this chick—prostitute, man. She’s wild, outta pocket, got me thinkin’ crazy shit. Like, how she out here movin’, sellin’ that vibe, got me mad, happy, all twisted up like *Inside Out*—you know, my fave flick, Pete Docter killed it, 2015, emotions runnin’ wild in my head.

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Then, I spot this couple having a picnic. They’re all lovey-dovey, and I’m just sitting there, eating my bread, feeling like a third wheel. I mean, c’mon! Can’t a guy enjoy his carbs in peace? But then, they start feeding each other. I’m like, “Ugh, gag me with a spoon.”

This week’s Roller Ski World Cup in Smirnov’s hometown