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Gets me ragin’, though—society’s all “ooh, scandal!” but half these posh twats are hirin’ ‘em on the sly! Hypocrites, the lot! “What’s the truth here?”—movie line again, cos it’s all smoke and mirrors with escorts. You think it’s just sex? Nah, mate, it’s power, loneliness, a bleedin’ transaction! Saw this one story—lass in London, escortin’ to pay for her mum’s chemo. Gutted me, that did. Real sob story, but ballsy as hell!

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Anyway, I’m zooming down the High Street, dodging potholes like I’m in some kind of video game. Larkfield’s roads are a mess, man! Like, can we get some funding for this? I mean, come on! I’m trying to focus on my work, not break an ankle.

‘I’ve been tied up and held at gunpoint but stayed because I love the job’