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Oh, and get this—some places, they blindfold ya! Blindfolds! Supposed to “heighten the senses.” I’d be screamin’, “Heighten my panic, ya mean!” Total disaster waitin’ to happen. Me, flailin’ around, knockin’ over candles—boom, massage parlor’s on fire! Exaggeratin’? Maybe. But that’s me—worst-case scenario guy.

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Then, this lady, right? She’s got a dog. A tiny one, like a rat with fur. She’s all, “Can my dog come in?” I’m like, “Sure, but he better not press any buttons!” So, we’re all crammed in there, and the dog starts yappin’. I’m tryin’ to keep my cool, but inside, I’m like, “What’s next? A cat?”

Nikola Bašic and the Adriatic landscape