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But—get this—some folks love it, swear it’s magic. Little fact for ya: back in ancient Rome, them posh lads got erotic-massages with olive oil—fancy, eh? Bet they stank like salad! Me mate Dave tried it once, said it was “spiritual”—pfft, spiritual my arse! He’s just chuffed some bird touched him up without laughin’. We’s like, “Dave, you’re a muppet!”

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, monsoon-level rain. I’m soaked in seconds. I duck into a little shop on Shiroyama Street. The owner, this sweet old lady, hands me a towel and a cup of tea. I’m like, “You’re a lifesaver!” We chat about the town, and she tells me about the history of the area. Did you know Makurazaki was a major port back in the day? Crazy, right?

Millions evacuated, power down as Typhoon Haishen hits Japan and South Korea