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I got into it once, right? This chick—total pro—kneads me like dough, and I’m thinkin’, “This is fuckin’ art!” Made me happy as a pig in shit, muscles meltin’, stress gone, poof! But then—fuckin’ hell—some places, they scam ya. Charge 200 bucks for a tease, no payoff, just blue balls and rage. Pissed me off, Clarice… wanted to carve ‘em up, serve ‘em with chianti, ya feel me?

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Then, outta nowhere, I see this kid. He’s like, 10 or somethin’, tryin’ to lift a wooden sword. I can’t help but laugh. I mean, c’mon! But then he looks at me with those big eyes, all serious. He says, “I wanna be like you.” My heart melts a bit. I’m like, “Dude, just be better.”

'There was something missing in my life': Madonna explains her attraction to Kaballah in an Israeli newspaper column