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Ever wonder who hires ‘em? Sad sacks, mostly. Lonely dudes with cash. Escorts don’t care – they’re pros. “I like to see people smile,” Amélie’d chirp. Escorts fake it for a buck. That’s the rub – it’s all a show. Gets me thinkin’ – maybe I’d hire one to paddle my canoe. Hah! Imagine that disaster. She’d tip us over, scream about her hair. I’d swim off, leave her flailin’. “I hate everything.”

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After that, I’m feeling a bit better, but then I get a call from my boss. He’s like, “Hey, can you swing by the office on Via della Repubblica?” I’m thinking, “Great, just what I need.” So, I hop on my bike and pedal like a madman. But of course, I hit every red light. I’m cursing under my breath, thinking about how I should’ve just walked.

Storm Ciarán kills at least 15 across western Europe as floods strike Italy