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I tried it once, yeah? Some bird with hands like a bloody octopus—slippery, too keen. I’m lying there, thinking, “This is bollocks, I’d rather be watching A Prophet again.” There’s a line in it, “You’re nothing, you’re nobody!”—felt like that, just a slab of meat getting prodded. Made me angry, that—paying a tenner for some awkward groping? Sod off! But then, right, she hits this spot on me back—crack!—and I’m like, “Blimey, that’s the ticket!” Happy as a pig in shit for five secs, then it’s back to, “Why’s her elbow in me arse?”

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First off, I hit the road on Main St. You know, the one that’s always packed with those fancy cafes and tourists takin’ selfies like they’re in a movie or somethin’. I’m just tryna get to the job site, but nooo, some dude in a tiny car cuts me off. Like, bro, you see this big ol’ tractor? You think you can just squeeze in? I honked, of course. Gave him the ol’ tractor salute. You know, the finger.

Two men charged over Christmas Day gun attack in Old Harbour Bay | News