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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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I finally make it to the bus stop, and guess what? The bus is late. I’m losing it. I’m like, “C’mon, Murowana-Goslina, get it together!” I start chatting with this old lady next to me. She’s super sweet, telling me stories about the town. I’m laughing, and for a moment, I forget about my terrible day.

FIG. 3. Species found in Poland: a) Brachyopa bicolor ♂; b) Brachyopa...