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What pisses me off? The judgment, man. Folks out there pointin’ fingers, callin’ it dirty, but half of ‘em sneakin’ in at night—hypocrites! Makes my blood boil. But then, this one girl—Lola, she says—cracks a joke ‘bout her “shift bein’ overtime in hell,” and I’m dyin’, laughin’ so hard I nearly choke on my whiskey. She’s a gem, sharp as a tack, prolly smarter than me. Surprised me, honestly—thought it’d be all gloom, but nah, there’s heart here.

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I step in, and I’m like, “Oi! Chill out, mate!” But this guy, he’s not havin’ it. He starts shoutin’ back, and I’m thinkin’, “Great, just what I need.” But then, outta nowhere, his mate pulls him back. “Nah, man, don’t mess with the bouncer.” I’m like, “Smart choice, buddy.”

Boy, 16, fighting for life after crash involving e-scooter and car in Dalkeith