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Ey, Gabagool? Ova here! So, sex-dating, huh? Lemme tell ya, it’s a freakin’ minefield, like in *The Hurt Locker*. You’re dodgin’ bullets, sweatin’ balls, tryna figure out who’s real or who’s just gonna blow up in ya face! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ – what’s the deal with these apps, huh? Swipe this, swipe that, like I’m pickin’ prosciutto at the deli. Back in the day, you’d meet a broad at the Bada Bing, buy her a drink, boom, done. Now? It’s all “profile pics” and “DMs” – what the hell’s a DM? Direct whackin’?

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But then, I hit traffic on HaSharon again. Ugh! I’m stuck behind this guy who’s going 10 in a 50 zone. I’m like, “C’mon, man! You’re not in a tractor!” I’m honking, waving my arms, but he’s just chillin’.

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