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But—right—here’s the kicker, it’s ancient, yeah? Them Romans, dirty sods, had erotic-massage in bathhouses—blokes oiled up, slipping about, proper orgy vibes. Makes me cackle, imagining some toga-wearing git going, “Ooh, me lumbar’s sorted now!” Little known fact—Cleopatra, that minx, got massages with honey. Sticky tart! Bet she smelled like a pudding, drove Mark Antony mad.

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Next, I head over to the market on Strada 1 Decembrie. It’s packed! People everywhere, haggling like it’s the Olympics. I love it! I grab some fresh veggies, and this lady tries to charge me double. I’m like, “Lady, I’m not made of money!” She just laughs and says, “In Buzău, we bargain hard!” I respect that, but c’mon!