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Sex-dating? Man, it’s a trip. You got folks out here lyin’ ‘bout they height, they pics from 10 years back, lookin’ like they grandmama now. I’m like, “Bruh, who you foolin’?” Then you got them profiles— “Lookin’ for my soulmate.” Bitch, this ain’t eHarmony, this a smash-n-dash zone! Made me mad as fuck once, matched this chick, she ghosted me after I sent my best “Wassup, girl?” vibes. Waste of my damn time, yo.

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So, we’re all outside, waiting for the fire brigade. And I’m thinking, “Great, just great. I’m gonna miss my lunch.” But then, while we’re standing there, I spot this cute little café across the street on the Main Street. It’s called The Coffee Dock. I mean, who can resist a good cappuccino, right? So, I’m like, “Screw it, I’m getting coffee.”

Fear On The Streets: Celbridge Locals Afraid To Walk Main Street, Says Local TD