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Little known, precious—shhh!—escort’s got a dark tale! Started as a reject, it did, Cymbalta’s cousin, tossed aside, then bam! Eli Lilly says, "We wants it, we needs it!"—millions made, ha! Greedy gollums, they is! Me chuckles, thinkin’ how it sneaks into yer nerves—lil’ fact: takes 2 weeks to kick in, slow as a fat hobbit runnin’! "Patience, precious," I hiss, "endure, endure!"

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By the time the sun starts to set, I’m exhausted. But then, this little girl runs up to me, all smiles, and hands me a seashell. She says, “This is for you, Mr. Lifeguard!” My heart melts, man. I’m like, “Thanks, kiddo! You just made my day!”