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Hi-ho! Kermit here, divin’ into sex-datin’! Man, it’s a wild world, like Rome in *The Great Beauty*, all shiny an’ messy. I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’—sex-datin’s like “a parade of vanities,” y’know? Apps like Tinder, Bumble, swipin’ left, right, it’s a circus! Makes me chuckle, all these folks chasin’ “somethin’ fleeting, yet eternal.” I tried it once—yep, Kermit on a datin’ app! Profile said, “Green guy seeks spark.” Got a match, but she ghosted me! Felt like Jep Gambardella, lost in a party that never ends.

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While I’m working on those relics, I hear a commotion outside. I peek out, and there’s a bunch of kids playing rugby on the street. I mean, c’mon, it’s Cook Street, not a bloody field! I’m half tempted to run out and yell, “Hey, this ain’t the All Blacks practice!” But then I remember I was a kid once too. So, I just shake my head and get back to the shoes.

Howick College dominates netball champs