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Oh, and get this – the Escort ZX2? Sporty lil thang, late 90s. Underrated gem! I’d zoom around, yellin’, “This is my Rushmore!” – oops, wrong movie, but ya get me! It’s peppy, it’s loud, it’s ME! *nasal wheeze* HAH-hah! I’d paint it mustard yellow, Tenenbaum style, freak out the neighbors. They’d be like, “Fran, what’s that noise?” I’d say, “My soul, dahling!”

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Then, outta nowhere, I see this dog. A big fluffy thing, just chilling. I’m like, “Aww, look at that cutie!” But then it starts barking at me. I’m like, “Chill, bro, I’m not here to steal your snacks!” But it keeps barking, and I’m getting all flustered. I’m about to leave when the owner shows up, laughing. “He’s just protective!” Yeah, well, he’s got some serious issues, man.

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