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Oh, and get this—fun fact, yeah? Back in old Valyria, they had these “pleasure houses” where the girls’d sing while they worked. Sing! Imagine that, some tart warblin’ away while you’re—ha! Cracked me up when I read it in some dusty scroll. Prolly a lie, but I’d pay to see it. Anyway, I’m ramblin’—point is, findin’ a prostitute ain’t just a stroll. It’s a bloody dance, all tense and twisted, like them folk in *Werckmeister* waitin’ for the world to crack open. “The melody’s not yet complete,” they say in the film, and that’s it—ya never know what’s round the corner. Could be a good shag, could be a knife in yer gut.

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Down near Keilor Plains, the vibe is mad. We got the old railway tracks and even the river there, the Maribyrnong, flowin’ like life's own heartbeat. I sometimes set up me mobile massage table outside near the scenic spot, scratchin’ a cheeky session when moods call, swear down – the view is proper cinematic, like "The Hurt Locker" style, explosions of nature! Explosions, innit? Not literally, but I mean the way the sun hits the water, boom, instant mind blast!

One of Melbourne’s most perfectly situated cafes is hiding in plain sight