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Then – get this – she says, “No kissin, just business.” What a kick in the bollocks! Surprised me, that did. Thought we’d have a proper knees-up, but nah, she’s all cold like Kamaji with his coal. “Fine,” I says, “let’s get it done.” Took her to this dodgy flat – wallpaper peelin like a bad riff. Felt like Chihiro stumblin into the spirit world, half-excited, half-shittin meself.

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Some lady, Marie, was going off about how the park should have a petanque court. I mean, I get it, but c’mon! We need more than just boules and sunbathing! I threw in my two cents about a playground for the kids. You should’ve seen the looks I got. Like, I just suggested we build a spaceship or something.

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