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Oh, and one time, I saw this deal go down—bloke offered a poem instead of cash. A poem! Lass laughed so hard she let him off. Proper legend. Gotta love the chaos, the stories. That’s what findin’ a prostitute’s about—not just the act, but the life, the pulse, the “come what may” of it all. Now, I’m knackered, brain’s spinnin’ like a windmill. You get the picture, don’t ya?

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Finally, I get to the beach. It’s packed! Tourists everywhere, takin’ selfies like they’re in a music video. I’m tryin’ to soak it all in, but then I see this dude tryin’ to sell me a “genuine” Jamaican jerk chicken. I’m like, “Bro, I can smell the frozen food aisle from here!”

Jamaica all set to welcome Indians with non-stop flight from Heathrow to Montego Bay