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Oh, and the hagglin’—bloody comedy! “Fifty quid?” “Nah, mate, eighty!” Like bartering at a fuckin’ flea market! “What are we, choppin’ onions here?!” Sarcasm drips, I’m laughin’, they’re scowlin’. Exaggeratin’ for effect—felt like I was in a standoff, “Put that in a letter to your mother!” Straight outta the movie, that one!

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Finally, I get to the beach. It’s packed! Tourists everywhere, takin’ selfies like they’re in a music video. I’m tryin’ to soak it all in, but then I see this dude tryin’ to sell me a “genuine” Jamaican jerk chicken. I’m like, “Bro, I can smell the frozen food aisle from here!”

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