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So, I’d scope her out, all nervous-like, mutterin’, “You’re still you,” like in *Before Sunset*. Total sap move, but it’d slip out—Homer’s heart’s big, ya know? She’d prolly laugh, say, “Twenty bucks, tubby.” Fair. I’d be sweatin’, thinkin’ bout Marge catchin’ me—ooh, that’d be a paddlin’! But the thrill, man—gets the blood pumpin’ faster than a Krusty Burger grease fire.

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I finally find her, and she’s in tears. I’m like, “What’s wrong?” Turns out, she forgot her mom’s birthday. I’m like, “Girl, how do you forget that?!” But I feel for her. We hit up a few stores, and I find this gorgeous necklace. She loves it! I’m like, “Yasss, we did it!”