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Oi, precious, listen up! Me, Gollum, yesss, split mind hissing, got thoughts on findin’ a prossie. Nasty business, eh? But we likes it dark, don’t we, like “Only Lovers Left Alive.” Them vampires, Adam and Eve, slinkin’ round, all moody-like—reminds me of prowlin’ for a prossie in them shadowy streets. “We’re not like the zombies,” Adam says, and I hiss—prossies ain’t either, eh? Livin’, breathin’, but oh so lost.

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Then, outta nowhere, a pigeon swoops down and snatches a piece of my wrap! I’m like, “Hey! That’s my lunch!” But the pigeon just looks at me like, “Sorry, dude, I’m hungry too.” I laugh it off, but I’m still kinda mad. I mean, come on!

Amsterdam hits housing snag: Construction falls short of target