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Now, I ain’t no prude, halleluyer, but I was like, “Who touchin me like that?!” Got me hot and bothered thinkin bout it—erotic-massage ain’t just a rub, it’s a whole damn mood! Little fact for ya: back in ancient Rome, them gladiators—yep, like me, a Bestiary queen—used to get massages with “special oils” to “loosen up.” Wink wink, y’all catch my drift? I’m picturin it now, some muscly fool tryna rub me down, and I’m hollerin, “This how we doin it, huh?!”

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Then, I bump into this street performer. He’s playing the accordion, and honestly, he’s pretty good. I’m vibing, and then he starts playing “Despacito.” I’m like, “Dude, really? In Harderwijk?” But I can’t help but laugh. It’s so random! I toss him a couple of coins, and he gives me a wink. I’m like, “Yeah, I’m a big spender today!”

Porpoise is 2nd to give birth in captivity