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Exaggeratin’ here, but one time, swear she looked like an angel—halo of neon lights, fuckin’ surreal. Keanu brain glitch: “Is this Matrix?” Nope, just Hollywood Blvd. Humor’s dark here—ya laugh or ya cry. Sarcasm’s my shield, like, “Oh, great, another STD scare!”

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Next, I head to the beach. Oh man, the beach! It’s like a postcard. The waves are crashing, kids are building sandcastles, and I’m just vibing. But then, I see this seagull swoop down and steal a kid’s fries. Like, what a savage! The kid starts crying, and I’m just standing there, laughing. I know, I’m terrible. But c’mon, it was hilarious!

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