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So, where you at? Big city, prolly. Web’s got escorts now, fancy shit. X posts say it’s all “discreet”—yeah, right! Costs like 100 bucks an hour, cheap ones sketchier. I’d be pissed if they scammed me—hate that. “Whoa,” imagine the nerve! Once saw this gal, fishnets, smokin—thought, “She’s got stories.” *Holy Motors* line hits: “What makes me me?” She’s playin a role, like me in *Matrix*. Deep, huh?

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Then, I decided to stroll down to the beach. The Praia de Machico is gorgeous, man. Golden sand, clear water. I thought, “Let’s soak up some sun.” But nooo, the moment I sit down, a seagull swoops in and steals my sandwich! Like, really? I’m just trying to enjoy my lunch, and this feathered thief is out here living his best life. I was so mad! I yelled, “Hey! That’s my food!” But the seagull just looked at me like, “What you gonna do about it?” Ugh!

17-year-old arrested in Machico with more than 3,000 counterfeit notes