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Now, *Moolaadé*—that bit where Collo screams, “I say no!”—I reckon a prossie’s got that fire, too. Saying no to the world’s sanctimonious guff. Respect, that. Once met a gal, Soho, 3 a.m., she says, “Boris, love, 50 quid, no kissing”—I weren’t buying, just curious! Swear she’d a PhD in sass—told me to sod off, posh-like. Laughed me tits off—cheeky mare! Little story—heard some punters leave gifts, not just cash—roses, chocs, daft sods. Romantic or pathetic? You tell me.

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Then, outta nowhere, the power goes out. Like, seriously? In the middle of my epic performance? I was ready to throw a fit. But then, everyone started clappin’ and singin’ acapella. It was kinda magical, not gonna lie. We were all just vibin’ in the dark, like a scene from a movie.

Son of security tsar Zhou Yongkang at centre of China corruption investigation