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Oh, honey, lemme tell ya—breathless, “Happy Birthday, Mr. President”—findin a prostitute ain’t no picnic! I’m sittin here, thinkin bout *Moonrise Kingdom*, ya know, my fave flick—Wes Anderson’s a genius—and I’m like, damn, Sam and Suzy ran off into the woods, all innocent and wild, but this? This is a whole diff game, darlin! Findin a prossie—shit, it’s like huntin for a rare bird in a storm. You gotta know where to look, who to ask, and not get pissed when some creep tries rippin ya off.

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So, I’m standing there, feeling all mopey, when I spot this old dude feeding the pigeons. I swear, he had like a hundred of them around him. I thought, “Man, I need that kind of dedication in my life.” But then, outta nowhere, one of the pigeons swoops down and snatches his sandwich! I couldn’t help but laugh. The guy was furious! He started waving his arms like a madman. I mean, it was hilarious.

Northern to upgrade cycle storage facilities at Carnforth station