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What got me mad? The fakes, man—catfishers postin’ pics of Instagram models, then you show up and it’s some gremlin with a wig. Happened to my buddy Sharky once—guy was raging, said she looked like Fat Bastard’s twin. I’m cacklin’ just thinkin’ bout it. Me, I’m careful—cross-check pics, Google lens that sh*t. Pro tip: real ones don’t blur their tats—too proud of ‘em. Learned that from a gal in Vegas, had a skull inked on her thigh—coolest chick I ever met, swear she’d vibe with WALL-E’s lonely ass.
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Then, I decided to take a walk down to the Burnham-on-Crouch train station. I thought, “Maybe I’ll hop on a train and escape this madness.” But the train was late. Of course! Typical! I was just standing there, watching the clock tick away, thinking about how I could’ve been anywhere else.
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