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About Manchester

So, we chat, me an’ her. She’s called Jade – prolly fake, who cares? Tells me she’s savin’ for a flat. Dreams bigger than that bathhouse in the movie, eh? “Work hard, Jade,” I growl, “Or you’ll be sweepin’ pig pens like Chihiro!” She cackles, says I’m mad. Fair. Exaggeratin’ a bit, I reckon she’d shank me ‘fore she’d shovel shit. Tough lass, that one.

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But then, the tour guide starts talking about the tides. He’s going on and on, and I’m like, “Dude, just show us the boats!” I was losing interest fast. But then, he mentioned something about the wildlife. Suddenly, I’m all ears. I love animals!

This undiscovered Essex enclave could be the most peaceful town in England