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So we’re hagglin’, yeah, and she’s all, “Fifteen now, inflation, mate!” I’m like, “Fuck off, inflation? You’re a prossie, not a bleedin’ banker!” Surprised me, that did – cheeky cow! Mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – she’d be screamin’ at me now, “Ozzy, you daft git!” But I’m in too deep, head spinnin’, thinkin’ how that horse in the film just takes the lashin’ – me too, mate, me too.

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After that, I decided to stroll down to the Manningtree Station. I thought, “Let’s catch a train to Colchester or something.” But of course, the train was delayed. Classic! I was standing there, watching the clock tick away, and I swear, I could feel my patience wearing thin.

Legal challenge over railway station car park goes to High Court