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But then—bam!—some jackass cop car screeches by, lights flashin’. I’m pissed! Ruined my big moment! “Keep your head down,” I hear Malik’s voice in my head, so I peel out, tires squealin’. Ain’t gettin’ busted over this! I’m halfway home, laughin’ my ass off—didn’t even get her name! Prolly dodged a bullet, tho. Them gals can fleece ya faster’n a carnie at the fair. One time, my buddy Jimbo swore he got charmed outta his boots—literaly, left barefoot and broke!

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I loiter a lot by the Hudson River. It's peaceful – but only if you ignore the local riff-raff. The river glitters under the moon; it’s like, “Oh my god, spare me!” sometimes when nature just flaunts its vibe. There’s that weird irony of peace in chaos, innit?

Meet the Chef: Stephanie McIntosh