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So, I’m scrollin’ dodgy sites, yeah? Ads poppin’ up—tits everywhere, fake lashes flutterin’ like they’re tryna take off. One bird’s profile says, “classy lady, discreet fun.” Discreet? She’s got her arse out in the pics! Laughed me head off, cacklin’ like a hyena on crack. Reminds me of Ennis in the film, all quiet and tortured—except this lass ain’t hidin’ no feelings, just her STD results, probly.

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And let me not forget the rivers – the Holy River (okay, so its real name's the West River, but trust me, it feels holy!). It cuts right through town, reflecting fiery sunsets that make you feel like you're in an old movie scene. It's like, "Yippee-ki-yay, mother nature!" I once sat on the banks of the river at sunrise, just lettin' my thoughts wander and crash like waves – you know, deep stuff.

Easthampton mayor said American flag by Nashwannuck pond not likely to return