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So – I’m out there. Downtown. Neon’s buzzin’. Smells like stale beer – and desperation. These girls – they’re ghosts. Movin’ silent – like Shu Qi in the film. “She strikes – without a sound”. That’s them. Postin’ ads online – “find a prostittute”. Typo city – who cares? Gets the point across. CraigsList’s dead – now it’s X. Scrollin’ – “hmu 4 fun”. Codes – ya gotta know ‘em.

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The locals? Awesome but a bit extra. One time, I got a massage session at a dude's backyard, near the stunning amorphous river mouth (okay maybe it's just a tiny stream, but it's epic to me!). He said, "Let your pain vanish mysterious as the valley fog." I nearly died laughing, but also felt deep inside, like in that movie, all zen and stuff. Bro, "In every drop of water, a story flows." It's cheesy but real.

Maui County Christmas tree drop-off sites to open Dec. 28 in Kīhei and Makawao