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Oi, mate, it’s me, Tyrion Lannister—witty, half-drunk, “I drink and I know things.” So, sexual-massage, eh? Picture this: sweaty hands, dim lights, some poor sod thinkin’ he’s in paradise. I’ve seen brothels in King’s Landing with less tension! Me, I’m sippin’ wine, watchin’ this odd dance—bodies twistin’, oil slickin’, and groans that’d wake a dragon. Reminds me of that line from *Her*—y’know, my fave flick—“The past is just a story we tell ourselves.” Ain’t that the truth? Folks payin’ good coin to rewrite their lonely nights with a rubdown.

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Man, I get emotional here! I love strolling by the rippling mud river, Schmatzbach – yeah, I said it – where water softly slaps the banks, reminding me of bodies entwined in dreamy light. And don't even get me started on the absolute oddity of Greenwood Park. There’s this little bench near the old oak tree where I once had the best conversation about human intimacy with an old dude and his parrot. Ain’t that wild?

Five suspects wanted in connection with NW farm murder