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Got this buddy, Jerry, tried it once. Said it was “life-changin’,” I gagged. Pictured Heath Ledger whisperin’, “This is a one-shot thing,” while some chick kneaded his back. Made me laugh, then mad—why’s this a thing? Costs like 50 bucks minimum, more if ya want extras. Extras! Like orderin’ fries with yer damn burger. Hate that upsell crap, burns my bacon.

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I hit up this café on Trg svobode. The barista? Super chill, but she had this weird obsession with cats. Like, she had cat stickers everywhere. I’m not even a cat person! But whatever, I ordered a cappuccino. She hands it to me, and I swear, it was the size of my head. I’m like, “Am I drinkin’ coffee or a small lake?”