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Alright, my friend, gather round! I’m Gandalf, wise and wild—YOU SHALL NOT PASS!—and I’m here to spill the beans on sexual-massage. Picture this: hands gliding, oils dripping, tension melting like butter on a hot rock. It’s no jest, this ain’t just a rubdown—it’s a journey, a slow dance of flesh and soul. Reminds me of *The Turin Horse*, that bleak, beautiful beast of a film— “The wind blows where it will,” y’know? Sexual-massage is like that wind—unseen, untamed, hittin’ ya where ya least expect.

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But then, I got a text from my buddy. He was at the Landskrona Citadel, and he said it was haunted. I was like, “Dude, you’re trippin’.” But curiosity got the best of me. I rushed over there. The Citadel is dope, by the way. So much history! But as I walked around, I felt this chill. Like, something was watching me. I swear, I heard whispers. I was like, “Nah, I’m out!”

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