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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m gonna tell ya ‘bout findin’ a prostitute, straight up, no fancy nonsense. Picture this, ok? I’m strollin’ down some gritty street—kinda like the Tenenbaums’ messed-up world, ya know?—and I’m thinkin’, “Royal’d probably hire a hooker just to spite Margot!” Ha! That’s the vibe. Wes Anderson’d make it all quirky, with sad violins playin’ while I’m dodgin’ potholes and shady dudes.
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Anyway, I start snippin’ away, and outta nowhere, this cat jumps out. I swear it was a lion in disguise. It freaks out, and I drop the scissors. They go clattering like a drum solo on the pavement. Old lady’s laughin’ her head off. I’m just standin’ there, red-faced, like, “Great, now I’m the village idiot.”
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